Jan 242017

Episode 3: Beat That Game!
We did it, we beat it, we did it, we beat it!
Game Horror Rating: ☠ (1/5 Skulls)

Game Review: ★ (1/5 Stars)
What can I say about this game. To be honest, I am really sad writing this review the way I will, because this is the first game I’ve ever received a free key for, and I was super excited about that. However, no matter how I turn and twist this game, I can not figure out a way to review this game and actually recommend for anyone to buy it.

Basically, The Cows Are Watching, is a cow tipping simulator with little to no variation. It’s a constant chase scene that varies between being chased by a dog and a boar – depending on whether you’re inside a meadow or on the path. You get 4 different meadows that each lead to an area filled with cows and a very slow guard dog. Your task: Enter each of the meadows and tip the required amount of cows over within the time limit without being caught by one of the animals.

Never minding the impossibility of the idea of tipping a cow while running past it and slightly pushing it while running away from a dog, there is absolutely no variation in this game. Each of the meadows has the exact same colored cows in them, each of the dogs looks, sounds and acts exactly the same and the pig spawns in the same positions each round. There is no randomization of the cows’ positions, and you basically do the exact same thing in the exact same order each round, adding a few cows to tip every time.

The horror element of the game is completely missing – while basically presenting you with the scenario of a permanent chase scene and the occasional quick scare from being caught by a dog, the game isn’t scary at all. The flashlight does very little to counter the extreme darkness and the brightness has to be maximized to actually see what you’re doing.

Unfortunately for the game, the element of humor that might have saved it from a 1-star review and a thumbs down on steam, is also undiscoverable. While the game presents a short period of amusement during its first levels, that initial comic impression quickly transforms into frustration and even boredom.

To sum it up: Sadly one of the worst games I have ever played, and – even worse – way overprized.
All Episodes of The Cows Are Watching:

The Cows Are Watching Website:

The Cows Are Watching On Steam: